Gay Zombie Hunters Dilemma

The title of this article may lead you to believe that I hunt gay zombies. This is untrue, mostly because zombies who were once gay humans are now too gross to still be considered 'gay'. Their cards were revoked long ago. No no, I am a gay hunter of zombies, and I need your advice.

Now that the world has been overrun with flesh eating monsters its' become more difficult to find fashionable merchandise. No longer are the days of Channel spring lines and Ikea super sales. Now we must scavenge the city, risking our lives in a quest for that perfect pair of shoes. Often I pretend like I'm living out Pretty Woman, except now when the clerks don't let me shop I take action with a double shot gun.

I say 'we' because there are others that survived. Not many, but there are a few. Mostly goths in black netting with pale white faces; apparently they looked too dead already. I was very lucky myself. You see, that particular day was a 'me' day, where I locked my doors, turned off the phones and played Madonna, Cher, and Britney Spears on rotation for 18 hours. How fabulous! In any case I missed the worst of it, and when I awoke from my blissful stupor I realized that my peaceful shopping days were over.

Now lets get back to the real problem. I decided to go for a stroll through the city on a mission to obtain a set of dinnerware to match my couch and coaster set. I plan to use them if the world ever repopulates enough to justify social events (hopefully with the 'right' type of people this time around, if you know what I mean). Never can be too prepared. So I put on my Egyptian cotton shirt, pin stripe pants and pushed my way past the outdated Ugg boots in my closet to grab my running shoes (hey, I can't be all glamour when battling the undead). Then I grabbed my pink 'girl power' chainsaw and went to town.

Current day, it has been fairly uneventful; easy jog past the mass of slow-moving decayed masses. That is until I am now met with the hardest choice I've ever had to make. From out of the crowds has come a familiar face. Who else could it be but the iconic American singer, film actress, director and producer extraordinaire? Yes, it is Barbara Streisand, and she is in the way. There are no 2 ways about it. If I want that crystal serving tray I am going to have to take my trusty pink chainsaw to her crooked zombie nose. Or should I accept defeat, and allow my role model to pass the curse on to me. Could be an honor really, but it could be the worst defeat of my life (and the end of it, for that matter).

What should I do? Please, I need your help because my logic is not sound at the moment. Visit me at http://www.nolifeonline.com, and hurry! I do not have much time.

Karl Mueller is an author and one of the founders of http://www.nolifeonline.com

In The News:


UPDATED:Commentators accuse PEI government of sexualizing children - Journal Pioneer


UPDATED:Commentators accuse PEI government of sexualizing children
Journal Pioneer
CHARLOTTETOWN – Prince Edward Island's new parental guide to childhood sexual behaviour is being decried by some commentators as a “destructive” document that promotes pedophilia. Children's Sexual Behaviors: A Parent's Guide ... In a follow-up ...

and more »

sex ed guidelines start at Year 1 - New Zealand Herald


sex ed guidelines start at Year 1
New Zealand Herald
Teachers of students as young as 5 will soon have access to new sexuality education guidelines addressing issues such as identity and relationships. The guidelines commissioned by Family Planning are designed to help teachers of students in Years 1 to ...

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Katie Fitzpatrick: Quality sex education vital for schools - New Zealand Herald


Katie Fitzpatrick: Quality sex education vital for schools
New Zealand Herald
Again, as Rebecca Kamm noted, sexual assault rates go down as social awareness of these issues goes up. Sexuality classes, as part of health education, are currently given very little curriculum time in secondary and intermediate schools. While it is a ...

Planned Parenthood wants preschoolers to know mechanics of sexual intercourse - Lifesite


Planned Parenthood wants preschoolers to know mechanics of sexual intercourse
Lifesite
“These are preschoolers. This is the sex education Planned Parenthood wants them to have—is fighting for them to have.” Jim Sedlak followed up with the scientific facts about how early sex education harms children by disturbing their sexual latency ...

and more »

Will sex education help school children? - Zambia Daily Mail (blog)


Zambia Daily Mail (blog)

Will sex education help school children?
Zambia Daily Mail (blog)
The ugly truth has prompted Ministry of Education, UNESCO and other stakeholders to develop a comprehensive sexuality education framework that will be infused into the school curriculum. The new curriculum is coming into effect in 2014, and only pupils ...


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