Mindfulness and Sex: Right There, Right Now

Mindfulness is downright sexy.

After all, what's hotter than a partner who is paying attention? Being Right There, fully in the moment, is about as perfect as it gets.

So, it comes as a bit of a surprise to me that we don't really use the term "mindfulness" in relation to loving relationships--let alone love in the afternoon.

This should be common, mainstream, slap-your-forehead-and-say-"Duh!" kind of knowledge. I don't pretend to be an expert on what goes on between the sheets (although I did conceive and give birth to four children within five years) but I do know this: it is absolutely completely impossible to have a truly satisfying romantic sexual moment unless you are Right There in it.

Oh, sure, it's possible to experience physical pleasure when your mind is on something--or someone--other than that which shares your sheets. But we're talking about meaningful, connected, one-with-the-universe kind of lovemaking, and that, my friends, calls for Mindfulness with a capital M.

It doesn't have to be tantric. You don't have to master every kama sutra position. It doesn't need to be burn-the-house-down wild. You don't even need any props or helpful devices.

It can be your regular Tuesday night missionary position in your socks and still be ka-ZAM--if you're paying attention.

Oh, and here's a not-so-secret secret: if you are paying attention, chances are good that your partner will be affected and grateful enough to start paying more attention as well. See how that works?

Just as some people expect to have meaningful family dinners with the television blaring, some folks attempt to have feel-the-earth-move sex while conjuring grocery lists or project memos in their heads.

Not possible.

By bringing mindfulness to the bedroom and beyond, you will also bring a greater sense of intention and focus, and your body will do a lot better when your mind is on the same page.

Instead of following those magazine articles that tell you "what do to in bed to drive him/her wild!!!!!" it would be more beneficial to focus on what NOT to do. In other words, do only that which you are doing, and nothing else.

The next time you get lucky, get mindful. Be Right There, fully immersed in your sensations, connections, and loving communications with your partner. Put your whole heart--and mind--into it.

Now, that's sexy.

Maya Talisman Frost is a mind masseuse in Portland, Oregon. Through her company, Real-World Mindfulness Training, she teaches eyes-wide-open ways to get calm, clear and creative. To subscribe to her free weekly ezine, the Friday Mind Massage, visit http://www.Massageyourmind.com

In The News:


sex ed guidelines start at Year 1 - New Zealand Herald


sex ed guidelines start at Year 1
New Zealand Herald
Teachers of students as young as 5 will soon have access to new sexuality education guidelines addressing issues such as identity and relationships. The guidelines commissioned by Family Planning are designed to help teachers of students in Years 1 to ...

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Texas School District Sex Education Compares Non-Virgins To Chewed Gum - Huffington Post


Texas School District Sex Education Compares Non-Virgins To Chewed Gum
Huffington Post
Sexual health advocate Katie Gustainis Vela recently obtained what appears to be an instructional worksheet meant for teachers who lecture on sex ed. Vela tweeted a photo of the worksheet -- which likens people who have premarital sex to pieces of ...

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UPDATED:Commentators accuse PEI government of sexualizing children - Journal Pioneer


UPDATED:Commentators accuse PEI government of sexualizing children
Journal Pioneer
CHARLOTTETOWN – Prince Edward Island's new parental guide to childhood sexual behaviour is being decried by some commentators as a “destructive” document that promotes pedophilia. Children's Sexual Behaviors: A Parent's Guide ... In a follow-up ...

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Quality sex education vital for combatting rape culture - Scoop.co.nz (press release)


Quality sex education vital for combatting rape culture
Scoop.co.nz (press release)
To address this issue, Ms Walker has created a sex education programme called GET A GRIP teenz which aims to assist parents and schools to partner together to talk about sex in a healthy way and address abusive sexual behaviour head on, helping ...

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PEI guide for parents: 'healthy' for kids to masturbate, touch genitals of ... - Lifesite


PEI guide for parents: 'healthy' for kids to masturbate, touch genitals of ...
Lifesite
The 7-page guide, titled “Children's Sexual Behaviours: A Parent's Guide”, put out by the Provincial Child Sexual Abuse Advisory Committee, provides a standard for what experts consider normal sexual behaviour in children from preschool to grade four.

UF not responsible for drop in sexual health rankings - The Independent Florida Alligator


UF not responsible for drop in sexual health rankings
The Independent Florida Alligator
“Stanger-Hall and Hall discovered that the states with the lowest teen pregnancy rates institute 'abstinence-plus' sex education, ensuring that abstinence and information about sexual health and contraceptives are both covered,” PolicyMic stated.

Katie Fitzpatrick: Quality sex education vital for schools - New Zealand Herald


Katie Fitzpatrick: Quality sex education vital for schools
New Zealand Herald
Again, as Rebecca Kamm noted, sexual assault rates go down as social awareness of these issues goes up. Sexuality classes, as part of health education, are currently given very little curriculum time in secondary and intermediate schools. While it is a ...


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